MAN ABOUT TOWN

Must. Laugh. At. Funny. Person. Must. Drag. Exhausted. Carcass. To Next Gig. Must. Laugh. HYSTERICALLY. At. Funny. Person... No, wait a minute, that's not a funny person, that's another fucking cashed-up bogan in a pink polo shirt with the fucking collar turned up who's part of the audience! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU LINE UP TO LAUGH AT SOME OF THE MOST BLAND, MEDIOCRE, MIDDLE OF THE ROAD SHITE IN THE FESTIVAL? Woah, Richard, get a grip. Elitist, much? Ahem. As you can tell, the Comedy Festival has taken its toll. I think my sense of humour will be the next casualty... In total, I saw 39 shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival; and I lost track of the number of late nights I had; and the amount of alcohol I consumed. Now that the festival's over, there's several more comedians I should review, but to be honest, it's getting late, I only got home from work at 9pm (lost two days out of the production schedule due to ANZAC Day...

Tonight I saw this headline - ' Peter Andre in brain scare ' - and got all excited. People are scared he has a brain? Damn right we are, people - because the brain keeps the fucker alive! Without a brain, that's one less mouth-breather celebrity we have to worry about. Sadly, real life is much less interesting. Then again, if you read the article, you discover all manner of interesting titbits: "Peter's not well at all," said Claire Powell, a spokesperson for Andre and his wife, glamour model Jordan, aka Kate Price. Not well? Yes, we sort of gathered that. Clearly the poor luv fears his penis is about to wither away and drop off - possibly as a result of steroid abuse, mayhap? "He's had lots of tests, but nobody's any the wiser. IE, his IQ is still at sub-moron level. "He's just really poorly." Yes, as is his 'music'. We now return you to our normal schedule.

I've been elected the new Chair of the Board of Melbourne Fringe. This should be interesting...

The end is in sight, ladies and gentlemen. Soon I can return to blogging as usual, instead of obsessively documenting every comedy show I've seen in the festival this year. I'm sure some people are reading these reviews and using them as guidelines as to what to see or what not to see. I also know that various comedians are coming here to read what I've written about them. Whoever you are, can you leave some goddamn comments please? It's lonely here with just my hitcounter and me! This next lot of reviews will perforce be brief, in order to get through several of them in the one post before I head off to the ANZAC Day game between Collingwood and Essendon. Go Pies! Kim Hope in Rollercoaster . An entertaining night of stand-up with an edge. Hope's delivery is never less than sharp, incisive and hilarious, and even as the show takes a turn into darker territory, dealing with the vagaries of alcohol and depression, this laudable comedian keeps the laughs coming with he...

'you' zine anthology benefit gig saturday may 5 :: 2pm-9pm cloud city 14 prentice street :: brunswick $7 entry new estate : made austria : extreme wheeze : rose turtle ertler : dane certificate : made for chickens by robots : love is science fiction : luke you (reading from the zine) zine stalls : vegan bbq : all ages gig!

Expressions of Interest opened today for the Festival Hub in North Melbourne and close 11 May For further information visit www.melbournefringe.com.au

Alan Brough in Top Town . A one-man show set in Helenville, a small town at risk of being downgraded to a village if anyone else moves away, in which Brough plays every character, from the lady Mayor to the most eccentric of townsfolk. The plot sees Brough roped into making a promotional film for Helenville (which welcomes visitors with a sign reading 'If you don't stop, no hard feelings.'), which he ends up releasing on YouTube . While likeable, and scattered through with some moments of genuinely inventive comedy (such as Brough's embodiment of the THX sound system movie ad, with which he opens the show), this show sadly didn't work for me, mostly due to the fact that I never felt at any time that the characters Brough was playing were real. Too two-dimensional to be convincing - and without them and their internal lives, the drama fell flat and the laughs felt forced. Additional flaws, including laboured exposition and overly drawn-out script elements, also detra...

A difficult night for both the performers Mike and I saw on Wednesday night, I think, performing to small crowds in mostly empty rooms. So, how did they rise to the occasion? Gerard McCulloch is Gerard McCulloch sees the affable Melbourne comedian dropping the characters and narrative structures that have informed previous shows such as Uncorked and Gerry of Arabia , returning to the roots of comedy to deliver an hour of somewhat basic stand-up. On Wednesday night, with only seven of us in the audience (not counting the two Auslan interpreters who left after about 15 minutes when it was clear their services weren't required) the show ran short, and in truth limped across the finish line. Less people means less laughs, resulting in McCulloch having to hammer through his material rather than pause for a breather while the audience rocked in paroxysms of hilarity. There were certainly laughs generated; and McCulloch's stories of playground accidents, explanations of why cabaret ...

Edit: Updated scores Having got the paper to bed earlier than expected on Tuesday night, indeed the earliest yet since I took over as editor of MCV , my first of two shows for Tuesday night was Phil Nichol - The Naked Racist . While Nichol's intense, provocative, turned-up-to-eleven tirades won't be to everyone's taste, if you like your comedy edgy, dark and almost threatening, this is the show for you. When he burst onto the stage I was slightly taken aback, expecting him to build the energy rather than explode straight away, but right from the word go this intense Canadian went at it like a speed-freak who's just snorted a kilo of a particularly mad-eyed Hell's Angels' personal supply of A-grade gear. From his girlfriend's bunions to Amsterdam's neo-Nazis, and the effect of magic mushrooms on your brain while you're conversing with a US marine sniper, Nichols was by turns hilarious, delightful, and intense. A great show - as long as you don't s...

Edit: Scores updated God, I've fallen behind on my reviews a bit, haven't I? Sorry about that. As penance, let me race through the last few days in brief, in order to bring this here blog up to speed, but never fear; where detail is required, as opposed to brevity, no adjective will be spared! When last we met, dear reader (why am I channelling a Victorian novelist this morning?), it was Saturday night and I'd just walked out of the last five minutes of Anthony Morgan , as he ended his show by strapping on his guitar and inviting three other guitarists up on stage for a song. The first musical minute left me underwhelmed, so rather than lose the good humour he'd bestowed on me with his set, I strolled out onto the mezzenine of the Victoria Hotel for a quick bevy. Ten minutes later I was back in Vic's Bar for my third show of the day... Mickey D - Shame 101. This engagingly chaotic, barefoot comedian hails from Adelaide, and possesses a cheeky charm which he puts to...

This was the subject line of an email that wound up in my inbox today; don't you love it? " In further knitted cephalopod news, Sherry Weller wrote in to share the lovely knitted nautiloids from her online Nautie Knit-Along. " A Nautie Knit-Along - it sounds so wholesome! Best of all, a quick Google led me here , where you can find a pattern for a knitted octopus; here , where you can indeed knit a nautaloid; and here , where you can lovely pictures of knitted and plush squid. Oh, happy days!

For what I'm not sure, but at the rate I'm going, laughter might just kill me. I've set myself the goal of seeing 12-15 shows a week in this year's Comedy Festival, and by the end of it I swear - anyone who tries telling me a joke beter watch out; I might punch them. Why am I seeing so many shows? Good question * . In the past I've probably seen no more than 5-6 shows in any given ComFest, so this year I'm going hard. At the time of writing it's the second Sunday night of the festival, and according to my trusty notebook I've now seen 22 shows. It should be at least 24, dammit - I'm behind schedule! Such stresses aside, let us turn our eye to Saturday, dear reader, and the treats that were in store for your unsuspecting correspondent as he ventured once more out the front door of his bohemian ** inner city domicile... Keating! God bless you, Casey Bennetto - not only for setting me up with a couple of comp tickets for the latest incarnation of your...

Did you know there's a Complaints Choir in Birmingham? I didn't, until Rach posted about it over on Quick Little Splinter : "I want my money back My job's like a culdersac And the bus is to infrequent at 6.30. Why don't they pay me more? Life was good before And I'm thirsty." Watch the video and rejoice at this wonderful example of artistic alchemy that turns shit into gold. Hurrah!

Edit: Updated scores. Other committments kept me away from the Comedy Festival on Thursday, but by Friday night I was raring to go, making my way to Trades Hall for my first installment of Comedy@Trades , the remarkably successful independent program that, in just its second year, is challenging the official Festival Club as a late-night meeting place, while simultaneously creating a hub for alternatives to traditional stand-up comedy. In the company of a girlfriend, Cerise, our first show for the night was Alzheimers the Musical: A Night to Remember . This three-woman show, performed by Lyn Shakespeare, Maureen Sherlock and Carole Velland, combined sketch comedy with cleverly re-worked songs (Skyhook's 'Living in the 70s' became 'Living in my 70s' for example) to explore life from a senior citizen's perspective. Well-delivered jokes about aging, memory loss and society's attitudes towards the elderly were delivered with charisma and panache, although one or...

This contemporay production of Tchaikovsky's classic ballet, Swan Lake , choreographed and directed by England's Matthew Bourne, is accessible, delightful, moving, transgressive, transporting, erotic and very queer. As you can probably guess from that opening sentence, I liked the show - which had its Melbourne premiere on Wednesday night at the opulent Regent Theatre - a hell of a lot. Bourne's decision to replace the traditional, tutu-clad ballerinas who usually play the swans in Swan Lake with muscular, half naked men has garnered considerable attention for the production in the decade since it debuted in the UK in 1995, but rest assured it is much more than a simple publicity stunt. While just as graceful as women, Bourne's dancers visibly embody the strength of the swan - a bird which can, reputedly, break a man's arm with a blow of its wing. They highlight the beauty of masculinity, although conversely, in certain scenes late in the production, they also ...

Things were going so well with getting the paper to bed last night that I foolishly booked tickets for a couple of shows at the festival , only for everything to grind to a halt at 7.30pm, meaning I didn't get away til an hour and a half later, and so missed the 8.15pm show I'd planned to see... That said, I did make it to The Debutante Diaries , and what a delightful show it was. Written and performed by Kate McLennan, this production won Best Comedy and Best Newcomer at last year's Melbourne Fringe Festival, and it's so easy to see why. Deftly and effectively, McLennan maps out a series of characters who are planning for their grand appearance at the Libra Hills High Debutante Ball, including the sweet, sad Sophie; the bitch-queen Krystaal Jones; and ambitious social-climber Stacey. Along the way we're also introduced to Guy Gerrity, the sleazey phys ed teacher who's organising the show; Carla, the bitter lefty teacher whose life is so empty she even fakes he...

Terry Hicks announced today that he will speak in Melbourne at an outdoor rally on 21 April. 'They've tried to silence David,' said Mr Hicks, 'but they can't keep me quiet. David might have had to agree to a deal to come home but that doesn't make what happened to him right. And it's important to speak out about it.' Mr Hicks will be attending the Melbourne part of a National Day of Protest around David's case. Similar events are scheduled for Sydney (with Senator Kerry Nettle, Dr. Tim Anderson and Mamdouh Habib), Adelaide, Canberra, Perth and Darwin. 'The deal cooked up at the tribunal does not mean that this story is over,' said Mr Hicks. 'The way David has been treated has implications that should worry every Australian.' The Melbourne event will also feature an address from Senator Bob Brown. The rally has been endorsed by Civil Rights Defence, Liberty Victoria and Victorian Trades Hall. National Day of Protest 1pm Sat...

Sunday's comedy fare kicked off with my first non-stand up show (hurrah!) as well as my first show by a Moosehead Award recipient. Amelia Jane Hunter is Keith Flipp (the Girl from Belkondowns Flat) is a darkly comic show bording on drama or Fringe theatre, and while containing elements of character-based stand-up, was clearly confrontational for some audience members the night I saw it, who didn't quite seem to know how to handle either the show or Hunter's larger than life character. At first glance Keith Flipp is a drag queen, but we soon learn he's not a man pretending to be a woman (or to be precise, a woman playing a man pretending to be a woman); he really is a man, trapped in a woman's body - his sister's body to be precise. Amelia was an 8 pound baby girl who grew into a 7yr old boy. In scientific terms, she's a chimera - also known as vanishing twin syndrome - a person whose body contains two different sets of genetic material as a result of one...

Edit: updated scores. So I've thrown myself in the deep end and seen another six shows over the last two days, ranging (as you might expect) from the sublime to the shitful. Let's start with what I saw on Saturday, accompanied by the luverly Lisa Greenaway, shall we? First off was Aaron Keeffe's It's Not You, It's Me , upstairs at English theme pub the Elephant & Wheelbarrow. Not somewhere I've been often, not being a fan of English beer, although I did once have a lukewarm parma there once. Speaking of lukewarm, let's talk about the comedy... or rather the lack thereof. Keeffe's poorly structured show was matched by a rushed, awkward delivery, a distinct lack of stage presence, and a virtual absence of jokes. The concept was what drew me in: the bloke set out to survey his ex-girlfriends to see why they'd broken up with him in the first place. Sadly only two of his 11 ex's had actually responded. Equally sadly, the funniest line of the night...

Edit: updated ratings now that I've seen more shows. It's an odd beast, the Melbourne International Comedy Festival , with its long queues of punters lining the steps and corridors of the Melbourne Town Hall and snaking out into the streets. Up the road at Trades Hall you can find people puzzling over the lack of stand-up and seduced by strange theatricality, music and magic; or revelling in rogue cabaret at the Buterfly Club across the river, but for most punters, comedy means stand-up, and subsequently that's how I started my festival this year, with three stand-up shows back to back. Adam Richard X sees the gay Melbourne comic best known for regular appearances on FOX FM's Matt and Jo Breakfast show celebrating his 10th year in stand-up with a brand new show. Not surprisingly, much of the material covers familiar ground - celebrity gossip, Kylie Minogue, Bindi Irwin and the delicious vapidity of pop culture - essentially the same topics that Adam addresses on radio...

Based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller, Zack Snider's 300 tells the story of the Battle of Thermopylae in 480BC, when 300 Spartan soldiers mounted a suicide mission against the million-strong Persian army to buy time for Greece. Shot in the style of Sin City , a much more succesful adaptation of another Miller graphic novel, with live action film against blue screens and sets and landscapes added digitally in post-production, 300 is a ludicrously bad movie that fails spectacularly on so many levels. Its parade of identical male characters essentially lack any character, being so utterly two dimensional that you simply don't know them or identify with them, a flaw meaning that you feel no sense of concern for them when they enter battle. The film glorifies fascism, setting the Spartans and their obsessive, bloodthirsty king as heroic, with an all-too-obvious parallel that posits their small army as defenders of humanity going up against insurmountable odds, just like 'o...

Anyone want to buy a real human skull for only $600? How about a stuffed barn owl? A clockwork model of the solar system, complete with the now-downgraded planet Pluto? Fossils? Stuffed peacocks that would be just perfect for your library, assuming you own a house with an observatory, entrance hall, spiral stairs and mad relative in the attic? Maybe a mounted tarantula under glass? Get thee down to Wunderkammer post-haste, my friend! Having walked past the shop when it was in Carlton for years yet never managed to be there when it was open, Simon managed to drag me out of bed last Saturday, despite my hangover (hell, I was probably still drunk) so that we could walk into the city and check out the new shop. I've since added my name to the waiting list for a human skull. And no, I won't call it Yoric. I was thinking maybe, 'Bruce'...

Self-described 'author, Red Sox fan and uncle' Steve Kluger has written several novels, none of which I'd read previously before picking up Almost Like Being in Love in Readings Carlton a couple of weeks ago. It was a spur of the moment purchase; I had a $50 gift voucher in my pocket, and after picking up the DVD release of Shortbus , still had some $20 left to spend. Browsing the various shelves and categories, I briefly considered a deluxe hardcover edition of the first 15 or so issues of Neil Gaiman's classic comic book series The Sandman but soon gave that up as a bad idea when I considered its price (over $200, in case you were wondering). Shelved immediately above the graphic novels at Readings was the queer fiction section, and it was here, on a whim, that I picked up Almost Like Being in Love . The back cover blurb read: A high school jock and nerd fall in love senior year, only to part after an amazing summer of discovery to attend their respective colleges....